Jokes

[Guest]

2 ladys went to a party without their husbands and they got rely drunk. On the way home they decided that they must go pee, and they go to a nearby graveyard so noone would watch them while they pee. But after they ended they realized that they have no toilet paper, so one of them takes of her thongs and she wipes her pussy with her thongs and then she throws 'em in the trash. When the other one saw that she wanted to do it to but then she realized that she has very expensive thongs on, so she took of her thongs and she put 'em in her handbag and takes some decoration from a nearby grave and she wipes her pussy with that. Then they went home.
Next day their husbands are on a beer in a pub and the first wan sais: "I'm going to get divorced, my wife came home yesterday totally drunk and without her thongs!" and the other one replies: "Thats nothing my wife came home yesterday totally drunk without her thongs and a papper tape stuck in her ass that sais: "We will never forget you John, Pete and The Manchester United!""

[Guest]

John wanted to join the canadian rangers. So the Major told him: "To join us you first have to show that you are worthy of becoming a ranger! For that you need to chop down 100 trees, kill a bear and rape a virgin!"
So John went into the woods and after the end of the day he came back with logs proving that he choped down 100 trees. Then he went into the woods again and after 2 days he came, all coverd with scars, and said: "Ok I've done the first 2 tasks, now where can I find a virgin to kill..."

[Guest]

Mother siad to her blonde daughter before she left for a party: "If you're not in bed by 12, come home."

[Guest]

How do you know that a blonde was useing a computer?

There's white-out on the screen.

[Guest]

How can you tell if another blonde has been using the computer?

There's writing on the white-out.

[Guest]

How can you tell if a third blonde has been using the computer?

There's cheese in front of the mouse.

[Guest]

What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?

Nothing, they haven't met.

[Guest]

Little John asked his father: "Dad why did you marry mom?"
In replay father said to his wife: "You see, he can't understand it either!"

[Guest]

In school:
The teacher draws a cucamber on the blackboard and asks if anyone can tell her what has she drawn, and little John sais: "Its a dick!"
When the teacher hears it she starts cryin and runs to the headmaster and he comes angirly in the class: "John I'll have to call your parents! A week ago you broke a window yesterday you tortured the class hamster and now..."he looks on the blackboard "you've drawn a dick on the blackboard?!"

[Guest]

There were 3 hunters:
First one could shoot 2 birds with 1 bullet.
Second one could shootoff all of pigs legs with 1 bullet.
And the third one had a wooden leg so when he shot he came home with a cart full of logs for the whole winter.

[Guest]

How does George W Bush take a shower?

He pees against the wind.

[Guest]

2 Egg's in a pan

2 Egg's are in a frying pan One said "Man its HOT! in here" and the other said "HOLY SHIT A TALKING EGG"

[Guest]

2 muffins in an oven

one says its getting hot in here the other says...



Aids is a worldwide epedemic.

[Guest]

I felt bad because I had no shoes. Then I saw a guy with no feet
I took his shoes.
Now I feel better.

[Guest]

OJ didn't do it.