Jokes

[Guest]

yxeah sorry about any spelling mistakes it's just quite hard for me to translate the jokes...

Anyway here's the next one:

What is a blonde with brown dyed hair?
Artificial intelligence.

[Guest]

What do you call 20 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

Blondes don't take this personaly...

[Guest]

Ah, it's nice to see a good old Bellman-joke

[Guest]

2 drunken guys were walking down the railroad and one said to the other: "Won't this stairs ever end?!" and the other one replied: "dont wory I see the elevator coming..."

[Guest]

John the farmer cought a gold fish and she told him that she'll grant him 3 wishes. So he wished: "For the first wish I'd like that my left neighbour's
cow dies." >puff< and the cow was dead. "For my second wish I'd like that my right neighbour's cow dies." >puff< and the other cow was dead to. "For my last wish I'd like that my cow dies." and now the fish just couldn't resist and asked him: "Why the hell do you want your cow dead?" and he answerd: "So the neighbours won't steal my milk becouse their cows are dead!!!"

[Guest]

Right, I have to do something else than blowing my own trumpet on these boards, so here we go... a joke:

Two cannibals are sitting next to each other, eating a clown, when suddenly one of the cannibals says "Does this taste funny to you?"

[Guest]

A man is walking thru the desert for and he had no water for 3 days when he finaly meets a man with a stall and he sais: "I need water!!" and the stallman replies:"sorry i don't have any but theres a restaurant few miles in that way, I sell ties, wanna by one?" The man sais "no" and moves in the direction of the restaurant when he finaly comes to the restaurant after half a day wolking he wan'ts to go in but the securitygard tells him: "sorry but you must wear a tie to enter!"

[Guest]

Jack and John went hunting but they got lost. So John suggested: "I think that the hunters signal for this situations is to fire 3 times in the air." Jack agreed and fired 3 times. Then they waited for a while but becouse nothing happend they went on. Then some time later they retried but still no effect. Then after another hour John said: "Ok lets try this one more time if it dosen't work we'll stop doing it." but Jack replied: "sorry but we can't , I ren out of arrows!"

p.s.:I wont be on for a couple of weeks so please post jokes!

[Guest]

Ok last one before I'm gone for a while:

Marta comes in bed to John and says: "We don't have to worry about anything, my husband just called and told me that he's playin chess with you..."

[Guest]

In a church a man stole a golden watch from the priest and then he went to confess his sins.
The man: "I stole a watch!"
Priest: "Thats not very nice. Give it back to the one who you have stolen from!"
The man: "Ok, you take it!"
Priest: " NO! You have to give it back to the person that you have stolen from!"
The man: "I tried but he didn't want to take it!"
Priest: "Then keep it. You see there still are good people on this world!"

[Guest]

hemms

not sure if this one has been posted

A old man lays on his death bed. He has lived a good life and isnt sorry to be passing away. But as he lay there he smells cookies! He loves cookies.."O I need to have one more before I go." The old man slowly getting up working his way down the stairs. His body hardly able to comply as he looks about for the cookies. He soon finds his dear wife cooking in the kitchen with a fresh plate of cookies laying out on the counter. Grining he wabbles over and oooos taking one up and is about to take a bit when his wife turns and slaps his hiand with a cooking spoon.

"Now non of that those are for the funeral!"

[Guest]

The head of the psihiatric hospital (John) come on his weekly check.
First he saw a man who was pulling a toothbrush behind him over the yard and John asked him what was he doing, and them man replied:" I'm walkin my dog Fifi!" So John went on until he found a man who was talking to his toothbrush and John asked him what was he doing, and the man replied: "I'm teaching my dog Fifi how to do tricks." So John went on and he found another man who was standing still with a toothbrzsh in his hand and John asked once more:"What are you doing?" and the man replied:"I'm just bored and so I'm standing here with my toothbrush!" when John herd this he called a doctor and orderd him to set this man free. And as soon as the man came out and went down the street he said: "haha we got him Fifi!"

[Guest]

A scientist was makin experiments with a frog and he wrote down results:
-When frog is in normal condition; if you say "jump" the frog will jump.
-When 1 leg is removed from the frog; if you say "jump" the frog will jump.
-When 2 legs are removed from the frog; if you say "jump" the frog will jump.
-When 3 legs are removed from the frog; if you say "jump" the frog will jump.
-When all 4 legs are removed from the frog; if you say "jump" the frog won't jump.
-There for we now have evidence that when we remove all of the frog's legs the frog goes deaf.

[Guest]

A woman is standing infront of a mirror and she's complaining:"My skin is getting wrinkly, ass is getting fat, my boobs are lowering,... I'm so ugly!"
And her man tries to cher her up saying: "But at least you can see perfectly!"

[Guest]

2 maniacs wanted to escape from the psihiatrical hospital but the place was encircled by 10 high walls. And so they climbed the 1st one, the 2nd, the 3rd, all untill they came to the last one and then one said to the other: "Dude I'm to tired to continue, I'll go back..."